Well, where do i start?
 I was a single mum of 3, we didnt have a lot but just plodded on as best we could. Then i met Jon.
That was 7 years ago. He was everything i ever wanted and more, kind caring and loved me and the kids as a package and best of all – he wasnt a lay-about, he was a worker. He soon got a job near to where we lived and he moved in with us. The job wasnt anything flash and didnt pay too well but to him it was work and a way of supporting his new family.
He had debts but hey, doesnt everyone? We thought we would cope. He so wanted to give us everything we had never had so out came the dreaded credit cards. It was nice, all of a sudden we had nice things and new furniture instead of all the second hand stuff i had given to me over the years. I suppose you could say i was naive, not really thinking about where the cash would come from to actually pay the credit cards.
We took out finance on a new car and caravan and still though, yes we can cope, we can pay this every month. Jon went to open a new account with Lloyds and came out with a £19,000 loan that the bank manager kind of talked him into having. Yes, yes, i know, he could have said no but we thought it would pay off some stuff and make things a bit easier on us.
Where did that money go? what did we buy? i honestly couldnt tell you now.
Then we took on a mortgage. Jon wanted to give me the home i had grown up in since my early teens. Baby number 4 came along round about then and boy, he hit us like a steam train. He was such hard work. He wouldnt feed, wouldnt sleep and wouldnt stop crying.
Things then got even tighter and we started to worry. Jon tried everything, minimum payments and balance transfers. Then the overdraft grew and grew. We had to use it just to be able to eat.
Night after night for weeks, Jon would be on the internet looking for sollutions. He even once commented about throwing himself of a bridge. He said as everything was in his name, i would be free of the debts. I soon got that idea out of his head. You dont wait years to find your soul mate and let him go again.
Anyway, he read up about this thing called an IVA, it would mean just one monthly payment, a much lower payment at that. It made me feel really uneasy if im honest. I suppose thats the pecimist in me. He came across a company called Debt Free Direct and gave them a call. He came off the phone sounding really positive. Maybe at last things would get easier? i still wasnt sure.
I remember the day of the creditors meeting. I was a nervous wreck. I decided to paint the front door white to take my mind off things. Jon was at work. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
The phone rang, it was Jon, this IVA thing had been accepted. I didnt know a lot about it and i suppose i was too scared to ask. What i did know was that things would be tight for a few years and at some point Jon would have to give up some of his equity in the house.
We plodded on and got used to living on a tight budget. The baby was a nightmare, i had never known a baby as bad. I was really beginning to feel the strain and began to feel really tired. Jon took a days holiday to let me sleep in and he would take the kids to school. I remember hearing the door shut as they left and i drifted off back to sleep. My mobile rang……it was Jon……but he had only just left. He was passing my mums house and he saw her in her garden. She said she was waiting for an abulance that my step dad…….my beloved step dad……who i idolised, had died. I thought my world was going to end there and then. I ran screamng into my next door neighbours house. I was devastated!!
Mum coped really well considering. Me on the other hand, i was a wreck, mum even gave me sedatives. We buried him and as the saying goes…..life goes on. I missed him so much and spent a lot of time laying flowers on his grave and just talking to him.
This IVA thing seemed to be going well. I still didnt really know a lot about it so i decided i would have a read up. It didnt seem too bad i suppose and i kept telling myself, this is so much better than all the letters and phone calls we used to get.
I was still soooo tired. Why wouldnt this baby sleep? I woke up one morning and my vision was a bit funny and my left eye really hurt. I went to the opticians and he told me it was just a form of migrane and it would pass. It did pass after about 6 weeks.
We were making plans for a holiday. Mum decided that with the money my step dad had been saving to take her away she would take us away. We had a lovely week in Tunisia. A couple of days after coming back i started to lose the feeling down one side of my face. It was quite funny actually because if i smiled only one side smiled and if i frowned only one side frowned. I went to see my GP who didnt actually know what it was but gave me some pills to take to see if it stopped it.
Six weeks passed and it did stop. The tiredness was chronic by then and i used to take the little one next door and they would watch him while i just slept. Agian, i went to see my GP. He said it was understandable that i was so tired, the little boy must have been taking it out of me. OK i thought but why am i aching so much? i really feel like i have been beaten with a stick. Again he said it was probably just the strain of the little boy so i believed him and off i went home.
A few months passed. I was sitting having a coffee with my friend and i had this real funny sensation in my left leg. You know like you get if you have been sat on it for too long and get up. It came and went for days but it was getting more frequent. It was friday at about 5pm and this feeling started to spread into my arm. I got a bit worried and rang my GP. The receptionist said as it was too late on a Friday afternoon i would have to wait till next week. I explained the problem and she put me on hold. When she came back she said the GP was going to wait behind for me and i should get myself there in an hour.
He asked me lots of questions then examined me then picked up the phone. He rang the local hospital and said he was going to send me in and he wanted me to have an MRI scan. All over that weekend i got worse and worse. I couldnt walk or talk properly and if i reached out to pick anything up, i missed. Tuesday came and the hospital porter came to get me to take me for the MRI and when i had it he took me back. I was lying in bed reading a magazine 2 hours later when a crowd of doctors came to my bed and drew the curtains around me. Im sorry Lisa one of them said, you have MS and its far too aggressive. I couldnt see her properly through my tears. She explained about the treatment she wanted me to have and then they left.
OH MY GOD I HAVE MS!!!!!! am i going to die? what to i tell Jon and the kids? What do i say to mum?
It wasnt long after that they arrived to visit me. They came in full of smiles………till they saw me……….i just blurted it out and the kids went histerical crying. Jon was brilliant he just hugged me and calmed everyone down. He wanted to walk away from his job there and then to look after me but he had this IVA, he couldnt walk away, he couldnt cut his hours down and he couldnt take time off. The IVA had to be paid if we were to keep our home.
Again, we plodded on, we learned to cope with the fact i had MS and i started on a clinical trial. It was meant to be a very good treatment for MS but it was CHAEMOTHERAPY. I had 5 lots. I was so ill with it and more than once contemplated stopping treatment and taking my chances. Poor Jon, he still had to go to work and he hated every minute of it. He just wanted to be at home taking care of me but he couldnt. Mum and my friend next door looked after me.
The little boy was still a right royal pain in the back side only now he was talking and swearing and doing really unusual things. I already had 3 kids and knew that something wasnt quite the same with him. He went for his 3 year check up and he was climbing the walls…….he trashed the place. The health visitor finally agreed with me that something wasnt quite right and she referred him to an ADHD doctor. She threw him out!!!!! His behavious was so bad and the language so foul that she couldnt hear my answers to her questions.
It was nearly time for him to start school. Oh My God, how would they cope with him? i was his mother and i couldnt cope.
The school intake teacher had seen him around the school with me and had an idea what he was like so we had a meeting and it was decided he would be intergrated really slowly. GREAT!!!!! there went the prospect of any kind of break from him. The more they got to know him the more they knew they needed help from outside so they called in an Educational Psychologist. On her second visit she suggested that maybe he was Autistic.
Life just gets better and better…………NOT!!!!
Things by now were really getting on top of me. I was ill and tired and this sweet looking little boy kept threatening to stab me. I was going to start sleeping with one eye open me thought.
I was sooooo niggly and grumpy and Jon and me started to argue. The kids were feeling the pressure by now and were worried that we may split up. I hated myself. I couldnt sleep at night and i cried constantly.
I hated this IVA thing, it was it’s fault Jon couldnt take any time off to help me out.
I was sitting up browsing the internet and came across this forum. I started reading and just couldnt stop. These people were fantastic, so nice and supportive.
I read about something called a Full and Final. What if? we could put an end to this IVA. I started working it all out in my head what we could do. I told Jon and at first he wasnt interested but i went on and on and because i was actually speaking positive for a change he decided to have a read too. He made the first couple of posts and then i took over.
There was Andy Davie, Melanie Giles, Skippy, lily, aguise and others who were all so welcoming and answered our every question. Maybe this Full and Final things wasnt as unreachable as Jon thought??
We put pen to paper to Jons IP. We used all of the advice we had been given on the forum, explained a bit of what we had been through and how it was affecting us as a family and we asked if we could settle this IVA early.
We made contact with Andrew Graveson and he was brilliant, he took us through the process of a remortgage and found us a deal. I was soooooo scared. What if this all goes belly up?
A creditors meeting was called and Jon was told to go ahead with the remortgage because the offer had been accepted. WooHoooo, we were going to be free. The mortgage completed and Jon took the cheque to DFD personally and handed it over. A couple of days later we actually found out that infact it hadnt been agreed on the day it had been adjourned and agreed later. It could have all gone horribly wrong…..but thankfully it didnt.
Its been almost 9 months now. We are stronger than ever as a couple and indeed as a family. Both my son and me recieve Disability Living Allowance and Jon has since recieved a bit of a payrise so things are much much better.
We dont need credit and would never want it. We can save for things we need or want and can sit comfortably knowing thats its all bought and paid for.
We saved up and bought a little pony for the little boy. He loves him!!!!!!! and his confidence has grown no end.
We have since bought another horse for our daughter and we have something we can do as a family.
I spent so much time thinking my life had no meaning. I had MS so how could it?
Now my life is all about watching my kids growing up doing something they love and enjoy.
I suppose my blog is all about telling people that no matter how hard things get and no matter how much life throws at you, there is a sollution, life is still worth living even if its not to the extent you have been used to. Most importantly, life is all about love and family……..not meaningless materialistic possessions.
We are living proof